02/12/20 WHEN I DREADED CHURCH

02/12/20 WHEN I DREADED CHURCH

A MEMORY...
Death to sin, self and secularism (the world) is not pleasant, but it is essential to victorious living.

I REMEMBER
I remember one time when I dreaded going to church. It was soon after going to Bible College.

I was still carnal and I had just thrown a quiet but ugly fit of anger. It was a Wednesday, and we were going to go to a local church that night, which preached the truth of a holy heart and life.

I knew I would probably be brought under strong conviction and go drawn to the altar, which would result in a great display of remorse and crying. I knew this because God had been dealing with me faithfully since I had come under the preaching of full salvation at the college. I had been going to the altar during chapel services, going to the altar at my home church on weekends, going to the "praying rock" in the woods behind the men's dorm. God was breaking me down so that He could fill me up.

My seeking God was a whole body reality. My face was contorted and soaked with tears and loud sobbing, my body would heave in agony, my soul was heavy with guilt and uncleanness.

I knew God was wanting to purify me, but the Old Man did not want to die. I surrendered little by little, but I knew there would come a time when God's Spirit would rush in and my carnality would be flushed out.

After I threw my fit of anger, I closed myself in my dorm room, alone, with God. He had me where He wanted me, red handed with carnal anger taking control. I knelt by my bed, repenting, crying heavily, surrendering completely, crucifying my life of self assertion. Then the peace that passes understanding came. Then the joy unspeakable came. Then the perfect love came flooding me and filling me to overflowing.

We can run from the searchlight of God, but we cannot hide. We can reject His grace, but we cannot escape the consequences. It is better bow before God in surrender than to stand before Him in defiance, to burn with the passion of God than burn in the judgment of God. Surrender to God leads to victory, resisting God leads to utter defeat.